• The boys and I

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    I’m 44, married and live in a sewerless small town on the central coast of California. I am an Inflammatory Breast Cancer survivor. My passions are reading, knowledge, shopping and photography – in varying order depending upon my mood. Though I’ve always wanted to be really good at something, I find that I’m just pretty good at most things. I live with my husband, Daddy-O, and our sons, Ben and Danny who are 10 and 5. Ben has ADHD and enough natural energy to power the Pacific Time Zone… and he’s not afraid to use it. Danny has Norries – a rare genetic disease causing him to be born blind. It’s a crazy, hectic life but I can’t complain any more than usual.
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"I Feel Good" (cue James Brown)

I wasn’t a blogger when I had cancer. Mostly I think that’s a bad thing. It would have been interesting to read back over my posts from those first days after diagnosis – to hear the shell-shock in my words. Or those days of chemo and radiation and pure exhaustion. But other days, I feel that it’s all for the best to have those memories locked up inside me in a place that only I will ever see. Overall I am an extremely positive person, but there were some fairly desolate hours during treatment.

All of that only makes me more aware of how far I’ve come. How good things are these days.

I have always had a strong constitution yet the year or so before my cancer diagnosis (when I was pregnant with Danny) I was plagued by irritating physical issues. I wasn’t sick, per se. I was, however, very “run down”. I developed a cough that wouldn’t go away and eventually made it so difficult to catch my breath that I found myself spending New Years Day 2005 in the Emergency Room. This was not my first trip there either. I’d been twice before for the same thing. I would just cough to the point of (wetting myself) and not being able to get any oxygen. The very act of talking was almost more than I could handle at times. Those of you who know me understand how torturous that was. The long and short of it was Cough Variant (Bronchial) Asthma irritated by my pregnancy. Those were bleak days. Hey… maybe that’s why chemo wasn’t so difficult for me. At least I could breath.

So… the point I’m trying to make is this…

Here it is, our End of Fiscal Year at work, and I’ve been working my tail off. I worked 58 hours last week and 56 the week before (including weekends). I go home and have visitation with my boys (that’s what it feels like these days), order in some dinner and collapse on the couch until everyone under 4′ tall is asleep and I can finally go to bed myself. Then it all starts over again the next day. And yet, I feel wonderful. Exhilarated. Tired, to be sure, but good.

I can breathe. That’s always a great thing. I’m not so short tempered as to be a shrieking harridan with my husband and kids. Shamefully, this has not always been the case in the past. And I have enough energy to go to and enjoy Ben’s soccer games, surf the internet and manage my fantasy football team.

It’s funny how we tend to lose sight of our blessings – like good health and abundant energy – in the midst of our work-a-day world. Those all important things that we take for granted until they are pulled from us. Today I am counting my blessings.

Side note: I just got a sad call from Daddy-O. All male members of my household are home sick today. Laid low by head colds.

Cross posted to Mothers With Cancer


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